Another Day…

It was hard to get up this morning.

I knew what lay ahead of me today. Nothing would change. Nothing would be surprising.

No one would depend on me, no one would need me. In fact, quite the opposite. Everyone would leave me alone so I can focus.

But how focused can I be when I feel this blue?

Some students love dedicated board study time. “I loved it,” one upper-classman told me, “because it’s the only time in your life where you literally can spend all day studying and learning. It’s wonderful!”

Bulls***. I don’t want to sit and study all day. I’m a medic by nature. I’m a mover. Why do you think I’ve never held an office job? Why do you think I’ve lived in 4 states in the last 10 years? I can’t sit and read all day. I want to get up. I want to interact with people. I want to use my training.

I want to feel alive.

And sitting at my desk, answering multiple-choice questions, is not life.

My wrist hurts.

My back hurts.

My arms and legs are weak.

And I’m sad.

Oh well. In 12 days, I’ll be done with my first two exams.

Just need to survive until then…